My girl Maddie loves riding the bus more than anything in the world. Because of this, the bus helper and driver are rock stars in her life. Last month her bus driver Ron, suddenly took sick, and after a couple of weeks of intensive care, we were told that he had passed away in the hospital.
We knew this was going to be a major hurdle to try to help Maddie with. While Maddie is a 9 year-old girl, she developmentally is more like a 3 year-old. It was a situation that I quickly realized my wife would be better at dealing with because she has the ultimate answer to this issue. GOD. She’s a believer. I’m agnostic. This is first time as a parent I realized what a disadvantage I am in by not being a full-on believer. Thank god my wife is.
Susan: So Maddie, as you know honey, Mr. Ron became sick and he went to hospital.
Maddie: (very excited) He went to the hospital. Why he in the hos-pi-tal? (NOTE: Maddie loves hospitals and get excited just hearing the word.)
Susan: He was sick and Mr. Ron was not feeling good. After a few days he died. Now we are sad but now Mr. Ron isn’t feeling anymore pain, as he now in heaven.
Maddie: (a little confused) Why he die?
(This conversation is repeated a few more times and then Maddie seems pretty satisfied with the answer. It definitely helped my 5 year-old twins who needed to know as well, since their sister would be talking about it continually for the next month.)
It should be noted that I was asked many times after this by Maddie where Ron is? I take the easy way out and just recite the family response of he’s in Heaven. Do I feel like a bit of a fraud? Yep. But I got nothing better. I’m not sure I would follow this line of duplicity with my twins, but with a girl with special needs I’m glad I can go to the scripture. I’m guessing in this situation even Christopher Hitchens would have been reciting bible verses like Pat Robertson, just to make it easier on himself and help a sweet girl try to make more sense of this situation. Now I have no idea of how Maddie takes in a man above the clouds who is entertaining her good friend Ron, but my guess is she sees heaven as a hotel with a nice swimming pool and a 24 hour continental breakfast. (You know the good one with the waffle maker and fresh cinnamon rolls. 2 of Maddie’s favs.)
While I have become pretty knowledgeable on the subject of autism, I can’t tell you the diversity of emotions that most other people on the spectrum have, but Maddie is definitely capable of feeling sympathy and caring. Over the past month she has had major crying episodes telling us she misses Ron. When she is going through one of these moments she wants her Daddy and she lays her head on my chest as the tears flow. I try to reassure her, but it’s difficult as I’m not sure how much she absorbs the concept of death. This is one of the cruel things that happens to a person with special needs. She’s a 9 year old girl, but her intellectual capacity has her thinking on many levels like a toddler. As her hormones start kicking in more and more, I’m not looking forward to the consequences. Stay tuned for the answers and I will accept your prayers. These prayers didn’t work for me when I tried them as a child, but maybe the cell towers that now exist will help in making the connection. Let’s just hope that God doesn’t have Tmobile.
Hit the video link below to better demonstrate Maddie having a hard time dealing without Mr. Ron on the bus.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/llzxfohrxz4tpk4/VIDEO0088.mp4