Maddie at 6 years old.

Beats me.

Tune into tomorrow for a more lengthy post on a different topic.

Ok, maybe I can try a little harder to answer this question. I mean I did name this site It’s an Autism Thing: LET ME HELP YOU UNDERSTAND. The problem is that I have a child on the autism spectrum and even I often don’t know what to say to another parent with a child with a similar disability. Hey, fellow parent of a child with special needs, some days really suck and some days are pretty good.

So I don’t really know what to tell you for an answer to this question. What I can speak to with total clarity is what I don’t want to hear. Here are a few examples of things people have said to me and how I’d like to respond them.

• Wow man, I don’t know how you do it Scott.

Guess what, neither do I. Here’s the deal, though. No one else is going to show up to fill-in for me if I don’t. There is no Kelly Girl or Manpower Temporary Services  we can call to give us a break. Woody Allen said that 80 percent of life is showing up. Sounds about right, though I’m a little uneasy about the part of using a Woody Allen quote in regards to something that has to do with my daughter.

• Well you’re a better man than me.

You are totally right. I’m a way better man than you. You see, you are what I call a selfish prick. Considering you’ve consistently run away from anything in life that was difficult, you would’ve hit the next Greyhound out of town if this type of responsibility was thrust your way. Hey, but thanks for the compliment.

• Well she looks so normal.

Uh, thank you? (I look towards my daughter) Maddie, hold still for Daddy. (Looking her over from head to toe and then turn back to the person.) Huh. Well you know something, you just might be right. She does look pretty “Normal”. Not really sure what normal is, but I guess by the standards society has set, she does fit the criteria. Hey Maddie, guess what, you look normal. You got that going for you!

• You just never know in life. Some day she could grow out of it and become the next Bill Gates.

That would be alright, especially since I don’t have enough money to get someone to fix our shitty Windows based Desktop. Truth be told, though, I would prefer her to become the next Steve Jobs, as I’d love to get a new iPad, but that shit is way expensive.

• I love kids that have special needs.

Well isn’t that wonderful. I’ve got an idea to test out your love. I’m going to leave my girl with you for a month. You will get to be on call 24-7 worrying about whatever issue that can pop up at any minute. Act now and you get the extra bonus of experiencing the crippling financial burden of spending *91% more than you would on a typically developing child! You finish this task and I will believe you. It will also be good training for being picked as a participant on the show Survivor.

(*(91% figure comes from a Washington University study published in Pediatrics Magazine.)

• I think we are all a little autistic.

Damn, someone has finally figured out why autism rates are exploding. Who would’ve thought that a woman running a Bedazzler kiosk at the Mall would be the one to accomplish it? And to think that the rates of 1 out of 50 people born with autism is actually way too small. According to your accredited research done at the Fashion Institute of Fort Wayne, it is actually 1 out of 1, since we are all a little autistic. Thank you so very much. You are a modern day Louis Pasteur, if his main skill had been bedazzling pill boxes and armpits.

I want to add that I never try to pretend here that I’m speaking for every parent of a child with special needs, but I do know a lot of parents in my shoes that are shaking their heads yes to my full-flavored snark. I know that people say these things because they believe they are kind comments. I also realize that by publishing these I’m making some people even more uncomfortable of dealing with me, as I put your words under a magnifying glass.

I’m sorry about that, but remember this site is about helping you understand the way things hit me–a parent of a child on the spectrum. I don’t think I’m talking out of my ass when I say that we walk around like Mama panthers trying to protect our kids who are wounded cubs. The world is not designed for our kids so we are ultra-sensitive.

Let me try to leave you with some positive things you can offer up when you meet with someone who has a child with a mental or physical disability. Begin with a smile. Then just do the basic talk you would do with a parent of a typically developing child. How old are you? What grade are you going to be in? What kind of music do you like? Oh and here’s the most fail-safe one you can offer up.

Your Child is Beautiful.

No parent ever hates hearing that one. You want to tame a Panther with a wounded cub? Throw that beautiful compliment out. Remember that many parents of kids with special needs don’t hear that often. They are used to the uncomfortable behavior that people have when they come in contact with their child. A smile and a your child is beautiful will always get you off to a good start.