Big Event this Saturday in Bloomington, IN. Doors open at 4pm!
Great event tomorrow in Bloomington to benefit the Special Olympics of Monroe County. I will be doing my It’s An Autism Thing show, plus my great friend Mat Alano-Martin will be opening up the festivities. Taking place at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, the show starts at 5pm. Click on the event brite link to buy tickets or buy tickets at the door tomorrow.
Bonus Note: Doors open at 4pm so people can bid on the great silent auction items. (100% of these auction proceeds go to Special Olympics.) These include a Colts football autographed by Pat McAfee, some great stuff donated from Scotty’s Brewhouse, and lots of goodies from the IU basketball dept, which include autographed bball’s by Tom Crean.
Now here is Maddie giving her pitch on why you should attend.
Maddie doesn’t like to watch tv shows or movies, but she does love a few music videos that she watches on our iPad. This one is her favorite. Try not to be in a good mood after watching this video.
It’s always there. It lurks just below the surface. The world is not designed for your child, so you are always looking around the corner to see what the next danger might be that you need to help them avoid. I guess you could say we (parents of kids with disabilities) are like the secret service, always on the lookout for a potential harm to the person you are there to protect.
Is it exhausting? Fuck yeah it is. The deal is that you continue to push on through as there is no else who will do the job if you don’t.
There is a perception that people on the autism spectrum are robotic in their ways of life. That their life is a routine of a few rituals that they have in constant rotation. On some levels that is true, as it makes a world not designed for them easier to navigate. Maddie always brings a backpack with her which is usually loaded up with books and a basketball. This bag always gives her something to do when she gets to her next destination. Even more so, it’s her security blanket. A security blanket that just happens to feel good to her, as it straps tightly around her shoulders and works like a weighted vest.
As routine oriented as Maddie can be, she is also extremely unpredictable. She can have a meltdown at seemingly any moment and just bolt out into traffic. We live at the end of a cul-de-sac, which is the best situation I can imagine for her. I can’t fathom how stressful it must be for a parent of a child with similar disability to Maddie’s who lives in a busy metropolitan area.
As she gets older it has become a little easier because Maddie seems to have a better understanding of her surroundings. I can recall when she first started talking in sentences (6-8 years old), she would ask what would happen if she jumped in front of a car. We would repeat what she had heard many times that she would get hurt really badly and that we love her very much, so we never want that to happen. Often Maddie’s response would be her laughingly asking would she have to go the hospital? Her response was the last thing we wanted to hear in regards to this subject, but you would have to try to stay calm, even though your voice sounded exasperated when telling her for the umpteenth time that she getting hurt is not funny. It was one of those situations where you try to be as honest as you can, but you end up not sure that you aren’t just inspiring her to do what you fear her doing the most, as she doesn’t truly understand the consequences of her potential actions.
Now comes to the worst fear we parents have. What happens to our child when we pass away? Even if there is a sibling or other relative to look after their best interests, it’s not the same. In most cases, the parent will give the best care because of a little thing called unconditional love. Most of us parents have this disease and no matter how frustrated you might be in the moment, thankfully unconditional love is always lurking in the background.
Susan and I have recently set up a trust to help take care of the costs for Maddie. Plug time. The person we used to set up our trust is Gordon Homes. Gordon is a great guy who has a son on the spectrum. He is extremely knowledgeable in the specifics for a trust for people with special needs and is also very supportive of autism charities. Click on this link if you want more info from him.
I’m guessing Susan will be at least 100 before she kicks open the casket door, considering how she never stops moving and her fitness is on the level of a yoga instructor. I used to think if I can make it to 75 that seemed good enough. I didn’t see the great motivation in living past that. Maddie has changed my mind on this subject, as I have to stick it out as long as possible. Even when my girl is in her 50’s, Maddie’s going to need a jackass like me to keep her laughing. Even if it’s a guy in his 80’s taking out his teeth to make it happen.
As much as I love sharing the Happy Monday videos, I have never wanted to sugarcoat the struggles that we have with Maddie.
As much as she loves school, she has gone through some rough stretches every year with outbursts. They usually manifest themselves because of things she doesn’t like doing causing her poor decisions. For example, currently she has been frustrated about going down to the music class because they are working on Veterans Day songs, which she doesn’t like singing. Now let me state that this has nothing against Veterans, she is not the Hanoi Jane of her grade school, she doesn’t like the tunes. She has no desire to burn her training bra, she just would rather sing It’s a Beautiful Day versus Thank You Soldiers.
Overall, though, she has had a good year, with smiley faces ruling her behavioral chart. Yesterday things changed. It started off badly with a fire drill, which I’m guessing is as painful to her ears as the songs of Gloria Estefan are to mine. She had been up later the night before because of her Special Olympics swimming, so she was tired, as well. There were other factors too, but she still knows it’s unacceptable for her to behave this way, as you can tell from her video interrogation below.
I want to step out a little more and let you see how Maddie interacts with the world. I thought I would begin by showing her the happiest place in the world for her, Special Olympics swimming. She loves the water and when it’s combined with a friend like Kate, it is the most fun thing she will do all week.
For the past 21 years the stage has been my workplace.
I have always been a reactionary comedian, probably because I’m a reactionary person. My number 1 goal at a show is for the audience to have a great time, and I don’t go after anyone in the crowd without reason, but if you offer up yourself by heckling, you will quickly find my red-hot rage focused towards you. I’m not a bully, but I will attack your weaknesses until I have control again. In the standup world this is a great skill to possess. It’s not such a good trait to have in life, though.
As I’ve outlined here before, (too many times for some of you, I’m sure), I grew up with an abusive father and this was my defense mechanism. Sure the comedic element I bring to it dissipates the edge of it a little, but it’s still something I have to work hard to suppress, as it is something very instinctual to me. I’ve never picked on someone who couldn’t defend themselves, but plenty of times I’ve taken it too far with those who start shit with me. Go ahead and poke the Bear, but let me warn you, if you do you better be able to climb the highest tree.
Having a daughter with developmental disabilities has softened me a little, though. I’m sure age has something to do with that, as well. At a recent Friday night show in Milwaukee my growth was on display. (And no, I was not arrested for this public display of growth. Out of the gutter everybuddy.) During my bit where I ask who gets drug-tested at their job, I got a quick response from 1 woman.. She said her drug-testing happened when she was working with kids with special needs. I’m sure for most comics this would have been open season for jokes. A big reason I ask the question is to find jobs that I can riff off of why or why not you should get drug-tested at them. The only exceptions for me is if you are in the military or if you have a job like this woman had. My response then is thank you for doing what you do.
** At this point I should mention that the woman had a unique speaking voice. It was clear and intelligent, but with a tone to it that was different than what you usually hear. When you are on-stage by yourself, having to entertain a large group of people, (230 to 1 in this situation) you learn to grab onto and exploit any weakness you can find. I’m guessing most comics would’ve have at the very least commented on her voice. My life experience made me feel pretty confident that she was on the spectrum, so I stayed away from it. Soon after, she told the audience she was in fact autistic.
The woman then followed up that her brother got drug tested as well. I asked what job he did. She responded with he was tested when applying to be a police officer. I asked if he got the job. She told me that he hadn’t yet. My next question was how long ago did this drug testing happen? Her matter of fact answer was 6 years ago. Huge laugh. Priceless. You can’t script stuff this good. It’s the awesome element of live standup. The shared experience which makes for a one of a kind moment. You don’t get that from a comedy central presents or a late night talkshow.
The combination of me knowing people on the spectrum, plus my years of stage experience made this all work. It’s rare when you can say you are the the perfect person to be onstage in a moment, but I can’t think of anyone else who were better equipped to get the most out of this situation. Being calm onstage and not trying to rush back to your material is a great skill to have. Letting someone in the audience get a bigger laugh than you is a sign to the audience that you are confident and in control. I see a standup show as an organic event. The best show to me is for people leaving the show and having something they will always remember about it.
If you think this is where it ends, hold on. She then told me that her brother cried when he was 8 because his cat Natasha died. I told her maybe it’s good that her brother didn’t become a cop because he sounds like kind of a wuss. I then told her she might be the best co-host I have ever had and maybe we should go out on the road together, because she has impeccable comedy timing. Later on when I did my bit about my daughter not being able to pronounce the G in my dog Angus’ name, my co-host mentioned I should have named him Natasha. I told you she had great timing. After the next huge laugh started to die down, I told her I was going to have to rescind my offer of going out on the road with me, as my ego could never handle her being funnier than me. Just so there wouldn’t be any confusion from this statement from me, I told her I was so happy she had come out that night and that I loved her.
I felt the timing was perfect to go into my piece about how we should rethink the use of R words. In a sold out show with a younger crowd filled with raucous energy, you could have heard a pin drop. I’m guessing of the 230 people in the showroom, over 200 of them had never had a real conversation with someone on the autism spectrum. Mostly because of my co-host efforts and a little bit of my own, some minds opened a little that night. The audience came there to laugh and they got a buttload of yuks, but I’m pretty confident they also left with a little more.
Now here is a little inside baseball about what it is like being a person at a comedy club who has people in their life they love who have a developmental disability. You have a constant uneasy feeling always lurking that some joke(s) are going to be hurled at this group. I’m pretty certain that my co-host friends were feeling this to a very magnified degree during this show. They didn’t know how I was going to respond to their friend. They didn’t know about the message I have about the journey my life has taken from having Maddie in my life. When they were leaving the show a number of these friends told me how much they appreciated the way I handled the show. They had a look like they had been on a 45 minute roller coaster ride where they weren’t sure if it had passed safety inspection, but by the end were thrilled to still be in tact. I know that feeling, as I have a similar protective instinct.
Here is where I’m in a unique position. I am in a business where political correctness is often the enemy of the ultimate result we are seeking. I’m not saying that it’s the comedians job to worry about offending a few people. I can’t tell you that I wouldn’t have gotten huge laughs if I would made fun of her. I do think there was just as good of chance, though, if I would’ve have taken the show that direction, I could’ve turned the room against me. Look, I’m not saying I’m the ruler of comedy and you have to do it my way. What I am trying to do here is tell a story of how sometimes taking a different approach can bring an optimal result.
Too many comics only celebrate the most cringe-inducing elements of our business. It’s why so many of us get into it. We are firestarters who don’t fit into society and want to torch the earth around us. I know for the first 15 years of my career that would have been the case with me. Having raw edge is great, but never forget that the best standup is not pointed towards the easiest targets.
So after the show I came face to face with my co-host. She had a big smile on her face and told me she had a great time that night. It was her first time ever at a comedy club. This beautiful young woman’s name was Dana and she told me she was a PhD student studying existentialism at Marquette University. If you don’t know what that means, I will try to be kind. Lets just say in many ways she is a lot smarter than you and me. My degree is in standup comedy, but I feel like I earned my PhD that night. I promise you I won’t forget this show and I’m happy to have a new friend named Dana.
Maddie has become quite consumed with her videos at this site. She has begun to bring my business card with the itsanautismthing.com address on it, whenever she goes to a store. She hands them the card and tells them to watch her videos. You should share the word yourself if you know anyone who find it interested. I know Maddie would like that.
Many kids on the spectrum are very connected towards animals. A great example is the amazing Temple Grandin. Maddie doesn’t subscribe to this view, though. She has little interest in animals, as she loves people. She especially doesn’t like dogs because their potential bark hurts her very sensitive ears. Learn more today from Maddie.
Here is a standup bit I’ve done on Maddie’s relationship with Angus.
Excited to announce I will be doing a show to raise money and awareness for the Special Olympics of Monroe County. The show will be held at the Comedy Attic, which the USA Today listed as 1 of the top 10 standup clubs in America. To guarantee a great seat, click on the orange E button (eventbrite) to purchase tickets. Please spread the word to anyone in this area who would is looking for big laughs while supporting this great organization.
Like most parents I often forget how far my kids have developed over time, as I’m too close to the action on a day to day basis. In regards to Maddie, even though her level of development is pretty far behind her chronological age, she has made great strides. Unlike most kids, it is a much tougher battle for her to make these strides, so my heart bursts with pride for her for how far she has come.
The video of today is when Maddie was 6 years old. Her language and balance are still a major struggle for her, but you can see the sweet spirit bursting through her as she plays hide and seek with her just recently walking twin siblings, Sam and Mallory. Grammy Marvene is helping her and just like in many other ways, Maddie has a unique way of going about the game.
